dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
