Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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