Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
