I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
