i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she smelled like a LAN party
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
