Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
