just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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