Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
