You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
