I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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