Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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