is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
