I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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