they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
