too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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