I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
