i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
