dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
