I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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