So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
