I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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