Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she looked like the before picture.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
