i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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