She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
