i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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