lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
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We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize