we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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