he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
