I wanna bring you to show and tell
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
