I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
