epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
