i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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