Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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