Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
