I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
