i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
