where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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