I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
