I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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