What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
