we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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