it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Say something about gay babies.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's official drugs can't kill me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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