pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
