I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
