the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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