They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
