I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
