ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
