once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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