Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Alive.
So much puke
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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