i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
