im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
