the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
