I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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