Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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