i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
