I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
