This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
