I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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