yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
