She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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