saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
