The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
