If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
