just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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