I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
