im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
