its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I could fuck to npr.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
