I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this boner is exhausting
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
