uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
