No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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