she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
