Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
