Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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