I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Operation Purity has been aborted
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
