i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
