Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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