i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you never un-have a 4some
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
