Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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